When I Asked God to Take Control of My Life
I thought asking God to take control of my life would bring peace. I never imagined it would cost me the life I had worked so hard to build.
Like many Christians, I had often prayed the familiar words, “God, have Your way.” “Lord, I surrender.” “Your will, not mine.” But I never truly paused to consider what surrender actually meant. Was I ready to give God every part of my life, not just the parts that were easy to hand over, but the parts I relied on for security, identity, and comfort?
Because real surrender does not come with conditions. It does not allow us to keep certain areas under our control while offering God the rest. True surrender means everything.
Growing Up With Faith, Then Growing Distant
I grew up in a Christian Catholic family where church was part of everyday life. As a West African girl, I attended an all girls boarding school where faith shaped our daily routines. We went to mass daily, prayed throughout the day, and often gathered for evening services during the week. God was always present in conversation and structure.
But as I grew older and moved away from that environment, my relationship with God slowly became distant. Church became something I attended occasionally. Prayer turned into something I did before meals or during major life moments. Intimacy with God was no longer a priority through my twenties and into my thirties.
When Success Became My Identity
At the same time, my career was taking off. I completed college, climbed the corporate ladder, and achieved goal after goal. From the outside, my life looked successful. Yet the more I achieved, the more I wanted more. Success never satisfied me. It only fueled the hunger for the next accomplishment.
I spent long hours in my home office, often late into the night, laptop glowing while the house slept. Some days stretched into seventeen hour workdays. My job consumed my time, my energy, and my focus. Slowly, my role as a mother and wife took a back seat.
I told myself I was juggling it all, but in truth, work had become the center of my life. I was at the height of my career, yet inside I felt empty.
The Unrest I Could No Longer Ignore
No matter how much I achieved, a quiet unrest sat in my chest. At first, I blamed stress. Then exhaustion. But the feeling never left. By November 2022, I could no longer ignore it. I felt drained, unsettled, and defeated by the lack of peace within me.
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The Conversation That Changed Everything
I met with a friend for dinner who immediately noticed something was wrong. She spoke life into me and gave me a book that ignited my walk with God. That night marked the beginning of a shift I could not yet understand.
By December 2022, I felt a strong pull to seek God daily. I began reading my Bible, listening to sermons, and spending intentional time in prayer. Not rushed prayers or quick moments, but real time with God.
I remember praying for inner peace and telling God I wanted Him to truly be my Lord and Savior, even though I did not fully understand what surrender looked like.
So I prayed the most honest prayer I could. I asked God to take control of my life completely. I told Him I did not care what it took to bring me to a place where He was leading my life. I wanted to serve Him. I wanted Him involved in every decision I made.
The Instruction I Never Expected
A few weeks later, while standing in my kitchen about to open the refrigerator and having a quiet internal conversation with God, I heard Him clearly tell me to quit my job.
Then He continued, telling me that I had made my job my idol and that if I let it go, people would see what He would do in and through my life and know that it was Him.
And just like that, everything shifted.
Scripture Reflection
Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
This verse helped me realize that I had been seeking success first and God second without even noticing. True peace was never going to come from achievement. It only comes from placing God first.
Reflection for the Reader
As I continue walking through this journey, I find myself constantly reflecting on what my life is truly built on.
- What areas of your life feel hardest to surrender to God?
- What currently gives you a sense of identity or security?
- Have you been seeking success, comfort, or control before seeking God?
- What might it look like for you to truly place God first in this season?
In the next post, I’ll share what came after that prayer — and why surrender is never as simple as we think.
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